Can You Hear Me?

Do you ever feel that doing the right thing never gets yo anywhere? You know being an honest person and making good solid choices constantly puts you behind the eight ball or up at night with worries or that no one believes you when you tell the honest truth?

I like to think my parents raised me in a good manner. I was never in trouble with the law. I kept my curfew, I was polite and did okay in school, had good friends and even enjoyed being with my family. Not wanting or aspiring to be a big star or a millionaire or anything but a good mom and wife and person in society....I think I am.

Funny though, Dan and I were just talking today about how we like to do the right thing and make good choices and work hard and just live...We have been happy this way, but you know there is always something that derails my "goodie two shoes" attitude.... and it kinda pisses me off. When I turned 40 last June, I made a fist and pounded it solid on the counter and stated.."I'm done with other people shit, I'm tired of being used and pushed around, I'm over being used and from now on it's gonna be my turf, my time and it's all about ME.." well, you get the idea, but what I did not know was that when I pounded my fist on the counter, I was also pregnant...so it never has been about me. Again, I am not looking for accolades...

I am just stating that I'm wondering if there will ever be a time that MY game will be played. That I can step up to the plate and show people who I am, that I don't always have to be the good guy and I will kick some ass. ... I am always afraid of pissing people off and hurting feelings....but what I am contiguously gathering is that it's all people do. And they seem to sleep pretty well at night while I am up blogging, just to get things off my chest so I too can sleep.

I am amazed daily at peoples actions, their ability to lie, steal, cheat and more and it's okay. I have a hard time playing this game. A really hard time. I will toss and turn for days, I will pray for God to lift the burden and I will actually get sick to my stomach, cry and upset my husband.... But I have this small child to raise in this unforgiving world and what am I to do? Teaching him wrong from right is actually wrong now, so it seems.....This is tough. hmmm.
I KNOW that if you choose bad, it will come back and bite you in the ass eventually...(and believe you me, sometimes I WISH I would be around to see it with some people) but for now....
I am tired of getting kicked and pushed around... I really am. One day it would be really nice for someone to say...'How are YOU today Missi?' or 'What would YOU like to do?'

Maybe I am contradicting myself, just yesterday I blogged about being selfless, and here I am today saying..I want...I want.. but it's not so much I want tangible, it's I guess I am looking to be heard every once in a while and knowing that doing the right thing makes you heard and people can see...the right path.....