Yesterday I turned 41.
I really did not care to celebrate my birthday at all. My family insisted..(this is part of the 'can anyone hear me bit' Didn't want to do anything, but I ended up spending the day in celebration to appease the family... I will say this. I had a really nice time though)
At 41, it's just that I am now in those limbo ages, like 40 was big, but 41 not so big..not until 45 or even 50..argh..to even think that I will be fifty someday. But I am 41...
It's even funnier to think that. Like, wow when I was young thinking how old 40 was and now I am in this decade of....question. I don't think that it's old, but it is in a way. See. this whole "40 is the new 20's" shit is crazy. I would never want to go back to being 20 or even in my 20's. now my 30's were great and so far 40's have been a blast. I guess with a new son, a baby in this "older decade" to be starting a family I am feeling 40 's are far more rewarding....
I can break it down,
20: I was still full of piss and vinegar. I was trying to get it all done, I was tyring to be what I really wanted to..(that day) to follow the dreams and do what I wanted and not what anyone else thought I should. I listened to no one and just lived. I was invincible and just went out and kicked ass.
30: It all came together for me. I got serious. I started to LIVE the right way. I grew cautious of myself and of other's. I was striving to do the right thing.I had found a place to settle, a husband, a few jobs and loved life. I understood things and people. I heard people and found living is amazing. My family became my world and I loved that. I still was seeking out other opportunities for me and my husband, but kept them to myself and little dreams. I got a dog. I started to have expectations and quickly found that I should not expect any thing from any one, they will let you down. I started really sacrificing my life of the happiness and the dreams of others. I LOVED my 30's. I found my friends and lost some friends. I found the path that I was suppose to be on and it was/has been great.
40: I had a baby. My first and only child. My son. I share him with my wonderful husband and I feel blessed. I am lucky very much so. My son is surrounded by people who LOVE him and I am able to spend my days and nights with him. I have become a stay at home mom, but I know that soon I will have to get back out there. We can't keep this up, but I got this boy who has my heart. I no longer WANT anything for myself... see THIS is why I did not want to celebrate my birthday. It literally has NOTHING to do with me anymore....It's about him and that's how I want it too. This little boy has take over our life and we can not be happier. I no longer need to find fame and fortune just to make me happy. I no longer need to be patted on the back and made feel important. I no longer need that shit, I just need to be a good mom and LOVE my husband, my son and my dog.
At 41 I have a new career. It's the BEST job I could have ever wanted. It's a life long job that requires me to step aside and let my son shine. (it's how I wanted it anyway.. I never wanted to be the star of the show, I always liked supporting roles or to work backstage)
This is the best production I could have dreamed to be in.
No more celebrations necessary...just needs to be about him...41...WELCOME.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Popa's First Father's Day
Well, it is official... Dan has just had his VERY FIRST FATHER'S DAY.
ANNNNNND.. he loved it. He had a great day. It's funny you know. He went through his life never wanting anything to do with kids and Father's Day was just another day to him. But this was special. Now Dan is a dad and he is a great dad. He is sooo happy and LOVES to be with his son Joey. They had a great time together. Joey was smile most of the day.
We spent Saturday night in Marco Island at mom's house and woke up together as a family on Sunday morning. Joey gave Dan a gift. A new coffee mug he made. Well, he put his little finger prints on it, since his feet were to big and he would not unclench his hands, so little finger prints it was. Joey wore his 'Daddy and Me' shirt too. We went swimming in Miss Jane's pool across the street and we had the rest of the family for supper. Dan wanted steak and a spinach salad. My family celebrated him and his sister called to wish him a
wonderful day. So did a few other members of my family who live out of town.
It was great.
Joey is now rounding 4 months old this Saturday and my sweet husband is doing a great job of being Joey's Popa. He loves to be with his son and they smile and laugh so much together. The love to watch 'Sid the Science Kid' together and Dan takes Joey on little adventures outside and around the house. It's great. I love to see him, them together. They are a great team. They listen to the Dave Matthews Band all the time and sing along. Come on lets face it...we all knew Dan would be a good dad. But he surpassed my wildest imagination of the dad he would be.. He is...
Love that.
So it was a wonderful celebratory day for my husband. It was Joey's Popa's First Father's Day.
ANNNNNND.. he loved it. He had a great day. It's funny you know. He went through his life never wanting anything to do with kids and Father's Day was just another day to him. But this was special. Now Dan is a dad and he is a great dad. He is sooo happy and LOVES to be with his son Joey. They had a great time together. Joey was smile most of the day.
We spent Saturday night in Marco Island at mom's house and woke up together as a family on Sunday morning. Joey gave Dan a gift. A new coffee mug he made. Well, he put his little finger prints on it, since his feet were to big and he would not unclench his hands, so little finger prints it was. Joey wore his 'Daddy and Me' shirt too. We went swimming in Miss Jane's pool across the street and we had the rest of the family for supper. Dan wanted steak and a spinach salad. My family celebrated him and his sister called to wish him a
wonderful day. So did a few other members of my family who live out of town.It was great.
Joey is now rounding 4 months old this Saturday and my sweet husband is doing a great job of being Joey's Popa. He loves to be with his son and they smile and laugh so much together. The love to watch 'Sid the Science Kid' together and Dan takes Joey on little adventures outside and around the house. It's great. I love to see him, them together. They are a great team. They listen to the Dave Matthews Band all the time and sing along. Come on lets face it...we all knew Dan would be a good dad. But he surpassed my wildest imagination of the dad he would be.. He is...
Love that.
So it was a wonderful celebratory day for my husband. It was Joey's Popa's First Father's Day.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
A New Little Guy
My childhood friend gave birth 8 weeks early last week. Her second son was born at 1 pound 11oz. She said he is the tiniest person she has ever met.
His awesome name is Hugh Thomas Swanson. Hugh.. What a great name....
Baby Hugh has had quite a journey and there is so much more he will have to go through, but at the moment he is thriving in hospital and all seems well...
My friend, let me tell you about her. She had EVERY odd stacked up against her. The doctors gave this baby no chance in utero, they told her that everything possible that could be wrong with the baby will and she should abort...My friend told the Doctors to ...."Stick it" basically. She refused to even think about letting this unborn child go and was even willing to carry him full term even if it meant he would be stillborn.
My friend had suffered two or three miscarriages already and she wanted nothing more than to have another child. When she was blessed with this pregnancy she did everything right (as she always does) and kept her faith that she was going to have this baby. I would hear reports from people saying...."things don't look good"..."the baby is awfully small in utero, the Dr.s don't give it much hope.". And much more. Before Hugh was born, I heard that she was going to carry the baby until it was time to deliver and that was it.
Then June 10th mom calls to tell me of the wonderful news of Baby Hugh and I gave my friend a call at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston to see how she was. She sounded great and we swapped stories on C-Sections. Her spirits were high as they always are.
I was just so proud of her. So proud. She took control of the situation and told the Dr.s that she was going to have this baby, She would not back down to abort him due to medical reasons and if her baby had something wrong then they would deal with it then, but she held strong. I love that strength. I love that empowerment that she had for fighting for her and her son and her family. I love that she had a voice and she let it be heard to the Doctor's.
The Baby is 8 weeks early and he has a lot of growing and work to do in the hospital. At one pound 11 oz. things are looking good. I think of little Josie Duggar who was born so early and how she is making progress, how she is growing with the help of the hospital and the grace of God. Little Hugh will do the same. So many people have been praying for him and his new family. We continue to pray for his growth and health, for the Doctor's and nurses that tent to him and for his Mom and Dad, who never gave up on him. We pray God will cover his little boy with His grace and love and give him the strength he need to grow and be home soon.
What a little blessing. My friend, I am still awestruck at your strength. you rock and so does your new little guy.
His awesome name is Hugh Thomas Swanson. Hugh.. What a great name....
Baby Hugh has had quite a journey and there is so much more he will have to go through, but at the moment he is thriving in hospital and all seems well...
My friend, let me tell you about her. She had EVERY odd stacked up against her. The doctors gave this baby no chance in utero, they told her that everything possible that could be wrong with the baby will and she should abort...My friend told the Doctors to ...."Stick it" basically. She refused to even think about letting this unborn child go and was even willing to carry him full term even if it meant he would be stillborn.
My friend had suffered two or three miscarriages already and she wanted nothing more than to have another child. When she was blessed with this pregnancy she did everything right (as she always does) and kept her faith that she was going to have this baby. I would hear reports from people saying...."things don't look good"..."the baby is awfully small in utero, the Dr.s don't give it much hope.". And much more. Before Hugh was born, I heard that she was going to carry the baby until it was time to deliver and that was it.
Then June 10th mom calls to tell me of the wonderful news of Baby Hugh and I gave my friend a call at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston to see how she was. She sounded great and we swapped stories on C-Sections. Her spirits were high as they always are.
I was just so proud of her. So proud. She took control of the situation and told the Dr.s that she was going to have this baby, She would not back down to abort him due to medical reasons and if her baby had something wrong then they would deal with it then, but she held strong. I love that strength. I love that empowerment that she had for fighting for her and her son and her family. I love that she had a voice and she let it be heard to the Doctor's.
The Baby is 8 weeks early and he has a lot of growing and work to do in the hospital. At one pound 11 oz. things are looking good. I think of little Josie Duggar who was born so early and how she is making progress, how she is growing with the help of the hospital and the grace of God. Little Hugh will do the same. So many people have been praying for him and his new family. We continue to pray for his growth and health, for the Doctor's and nurses that tent to him and for his Mom and Dad, who never gave up on him. We pray God will cover his little boy with His grace and love and give him the strength he need to grow and be home soon.
What a little blessing. My friend, I am still awestruck at your strength. you rock and so does your new little guy.
Note: You knw what he really cool thing is....he has been breathing on his own since the day he was born....AWESOME.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A Good Shot of Fantasy and Reality.
Last night I had a chance to go out and "be Missi" as Dan says. I got kinda dressed up and met a girlfriend and her daughter at The Von Leibig Art Center for the wonderful exhibition on Princess Diana. It was a collection of some of her dresses, letters that she hand wrote, memorabilia and much more. Her story. Her story.
So I will start from the beginning. I was a Diana freak. Mom and I woke up very early on July 29, 1981 and watched her wedding on t.v. I was young and sleepy, but with the help from mom I made it through. The idea of a real princess was so exciting. I was excited about that special event all day and for years to follow.
Between the time she was married and had her first child William, my sister had gone to Europe, a stop in London and loaded up on Diana stuff for me. I still have some of it here in Naples. I wonder what I have left in storage. My BFF growing up she too was a Diana Junkie, (I would say her more than me) but we both shared the passion for the life of this woman. We thought no one could top her, to us she was the ultimate woman, she defined grace and elegance and poise and fashion and more. My BFF at the time even cut her hair to be like Diana's. We were so excited about having a positive roll model.
You know as we grew older we still enjoyed reading and talking and wishing to meet Diana. We would go down the street to the local drug store and read all the ROYAL magazines. We had pictures of her framed, we read everything we could on her and we pretended we were her American BFF's.
Between the time she was married and had her first child William, my sister had gone to Europe, a stop in London and loaded up on Diana stuff for me. I still have some of it here in Naples. I wonder what I have left in storage. My BFF growing up she too was a Diana Junkie, (I would say her more than me) but we both shared the passion for the life of this woman. We thought no one could top her, to us she was the ultimate woman, she defined grace and elegance and poise and fashion and more. My BFF at the time even cut her hair to be like Diana's. We were so excited about having a positive roll model.
You know as we grew older we still enjoyed reading and talking and wishing to meet Diana. We would go down the street to the local drug store and read all the ROYAL magazines. We had pictures of her framed, we read everything we could on her and we pretended we were her American BFF's.
As Diana grew into her roll as 'The People's Princess' her time was not as fairytale-ish as my friend and I had ever hoped. She faced so much sadness and a troubled marriage and much more. Apparently the job as Princess of England is not that easy. But what she did do was break many barriers of humanity. She did things and met people and touched people that no one has done since Mother Theresa. Once her marriage was dissolved Diana really transformed herself into and untouchable and unstoppable humanitarian. Stunningly a fashionista and her work was off the chart. She was a Mom to two boys who are in line to inherit the thrown, but she always kept them grounded. She constantly reminded them how blessed they were and that there are plenty of children in the world who have nothing....
Diana's death was devastating to so many. I know I wore black for a full week. It was as if I lost my best friend. I was so sad. I remember every event leading up to finding out she passed. She was my generation's...."where were you when Kennedy was shot" we will always remember. Even Dan Rather cried on air as he reported her death. Oprah was devastated and Katie Couric was speechless.
Once she died, I stopped collecting things. Everything for sale was for a 'charity' but i never knew where the money was going. it seemed pointless. She was gone. I was so happy to go to this exhibit last night. It was good fun reliving my love for Diana, to remember who she was and the wonderful things she did. To learn facts that I had never known, to enjoy time away from the house, the husband and the son. It was great to tell my friends daughter all about a REAL PRINCESS and for her to find the dress that most resembled Cinderella's.
How sad though. Her story of life was told in the gallery in a very classy manner, and then the end. I felt a little heavy, a little sad but a little hopeful too. Being there last night reminded me how the work she did was selfless... A good shot of fantasy and reality.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Can You Hear Me?
Do you ever feel that doing the right thing never gets yo anywhere? You know being an honest person and making good solid choices constantly puts you behind the eight ball or up at night with worries or that no one believes you when you tell the honest truth?
I like to think my parents raised me in a good manner. I was never in trouble with the law. I kept my curfew, I was polite and did okay in school, had good friends and even enjoyed being with my family. Not wanting or aspiring to be a big star or a millionaire or anything but a good mom and wife and person in society....I think I am.
Funny though, Dan and I were just talking today about how we like to do the right thing and make good choices and work hard and just live...We have been happy this way, but you know there is always something that derails my "goodie two shoes" attitude.... and it kinda pisses me off. When I turned 40 last June, I made a fist and pounded it solid on the counter and stated.."I'm done with other people shit, I'm tired of being used and pushed around, I'm over being used and from now on it's gonna be my turf, my time and it's all about ME.." well, you get the idea, but what I did not know was that when I pounded my fist on the counter, I was also pregnant...so it never has been about me. Again, I am not looking for accolades...
I am just stating that I'm wondering if there will ever be a time that MY game will be played. That I can step up to the plate and show people who I am, that I don't always have to be the good guy and I will kick some ass. ... I am always afraid of pissing people off and hurting feelings....but what I am contiguously gathering is that it's all people do. And they seem to sleep pretty well at night while I am up blogging, just to get things off my chest so I too can sleep.
I am amazed daily at peoples actions, their ability to lie, steal, cheat and more and it's okay. I have a hard time playing this game. A really hard time. I will toss and turn for days, I will pray for God to lift the burden and I will actually get sick to my stomach, cry and upset my husband.... But I have this small child to raise in this unforgiving world and what am I to do? Teaching him wrong from right is actually wrong now, so it seems.....This is tough. hmmm.
I KNOW that if you choose bad, it will come back and bite you in the ass eventually...(and believe you me, sometimes I WISH I would be around to see it with some people) but for now....
I am tired of getting kicked and pushed around... I really am. One day it would be really nice for someone to say...'How are YOU today Missi?' or 'What would YOU like to do?'
Maybe I am contradicting myself, just yesterday I blogged about being selfless, and here I am today saying..I want...I want.. but it's not so much I want tangible, it's I guess I am looking to be heard every once in a while and knowing that doing the right thing makes you heard and people can see...the right path.....
I like to think my parents raised me in a good manner. I was never in trouble with the law. I kept my curfew, I was polite and did okay in school, had good friends and even enjoyed being with my family. Not wanting or aspiring to be a big star or a millionaire or anything but a good mom and wife and person in society....I think I am.
Funny though, Dan and I were just talking today about how we like to do the right thing and make good choices and work hard and just live...We have been happy this way, but you know there is always something that derails my "goodie two shoes" attitude.... and it kinda pisses me off. When I turned 40 last June, I made a fist and pounded it solid on the counter and stated.."I'm done with other people shit, I'm tired of being used and pushed around, I'm over being used and from now on it's gonna be my turf, my time and it's all about ME.." well, you get the idea, but what I did not know was that when I pounded my fist on the counter, I was also pregnant...so it never has been about me. Again, I am not looking for accolades...
I am just stating that I'm wondering if there will ever be a time that MY game will be played. That I can step up to the plate and show people who I am, that I don't always have to be the good guy and I will kick some ass. ... I am always afraid of pissing people off and hurting feelings....but what I am contiguously gathering is that it's all people do. And they seem to sleep pretty well at night while I am up blogging, just to get things off my chest so I too can sleep.
I am amazed daily at peoples actions, their ability to lie, steal, cheat and more and it's okay. I have a hard time playing this game. A really hard time. I will toss and turn for days, I will pray for God to lift the burden and I will actually get sick to my stomach, cry and upset my husband.... But I have this small child to raise in this unforgiving world and what am I to do? Teaching him wrong from right is actually wrong now, so it seems.....This is tough. hmmm.
I KNOW that if you choose bad, it will come back and bite you in the ass eventually...(and believe you me, sometimes I WISH I would be around to see it with some people) but for now....
I am tired of getting kicked and pushed around... I really am. One day it would be really nice for someone to say...'How are YOU today Missi?' or 'What would YOU like to do?'
Maybe I am contradicting myself, just yesterday I blogged about being selfless, and here I am today saying..I want...I want.. but it's not so much I want tangible, it's I guess I am looking to be heard every once in a while and knowing that doing the right thing makes you heard and people can see...the right path.....
Friday, June 11, 2010
Can you?
I heard a really good quote today.. lets see if I can remember it...
"It's always a good feeling doing something for someone in need."
I thought it was great to hear that. It made me think about my space and my place and wonder if I am doing things for people in need.
Okay I have a baby so that's fine, but outside my box, what am I doing and how can I be helping.
Let me get something straight. I am not wanting to do something for someone just to pat myself on the back, THAT is not me, it's a flutter I get in my heart when someone is in need and I have been able to help them. It's their smile or their humble 'Thank You' or a small touch of the hand. I don't know, but when I can sacrifice for someone who needs something so much more than me it's like everything comes together.
I hope I can teach that to Joey...I hope I can teach him to be selfless. I think greed gets people a long way and greed makes people successful, selflessness does not, but people who are selfless don't need the fame and success, they don't need that desire of self-righteousness, they just want to help.
I think it has to start early too, like the kids at a young age who "wants this" or "is this mine" or "I want that" crap. here is the thing...give the kids what they want all the time...they play with it, see something else and want that other thing. Bored and tired with the first now they expect you to get the other thing cause they are over the first thing. A monster cycle. But as that child grows it is juster was as they will be as an adult. Bored with this job, do some thing else...(can't hold a job down or doesn't want to work hard for anything expecting people to do everything for them) Never bring satisfied with what you have and wanting more. Never being grateful for the things you do have and the things you want but don't have.....
People laugh at us 'cause we still use our VCR. (just making a point)
Look at where you are and ask yourself, can you be selfless and give to someone. Can you totally sacrifice for someone else.....(and be honest, not like your kids or your husband or your wife.) Can you step out of the box?
"It's always a good feeling doing something for someone in need."
I thought it was great to hear that. It made me think about my space and my place and wonder if I am doing things for people in need.
Okay I have a baby so that's fine, but outside my box, what am I doing and how can I be helping.
Let me get something straight. I am not wanting to do something for someone just to pat myself on the back, THAT is not me, it's a flutter I get in my heart when someone is in need and I have been able to help them. It's their smile or their humble 'Thank You' or a small touch of the hand. I don't know, but when I can sacrifice for someone who needs something so much more than me it's like everything comes together.
I hope I can teach that to Joey...I hope I can teach him to be selfless. I think greed gets people a long way and greed makes people successful, selflessness does not, but people who are selfless don't need the fame and success, they don't need that desire of self-righteousness, they just want to help.
I think it has to start early too, like the kids at a young age who "wants this" or "is this mine" or "I want that" crap. here is the thing...give the kids what they want all the time...they play with it, see something else and want that other thing. Bored and tired with the first now they expect you to get the other thing cause they are over the first thing. A monster cycle. But as that child grows it is juster was as they will be as an adult. Bored with this job, do some thing else...(can't hold a job down or doesn't want to work hard for anything expecting people to do everything for them) Never bring satisfied with what you have and wanting more. Never being grateful for the things you do have and the things you want but don't have.....
People laugh at us 'cause we still use our VCR. (just making a point)
Look at where you are and ask yourself, can you be selfless and give to someone. Can you totally sacrifice for someone else.....(and be honest, not like your kids or your husband or your wife.) Can you step out of the box?
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