41...Welcome.

Yesterday I turned 41.

I really did not care to celebrate my birthday at all. My family insisted..(this is part of the 'can anyone hear me bit' Didn't want to do anything, but I ended up spending the day in celebration to appease the family... I will say this. I had a really nice time though)

At 41, it's just that I am now in those limbo ages, like 40 was big, but 41 not so big..not until 45 or even 50..argh..to even think that I will be fifty someday. But I am 41...

It's even funnier to think that. Like, wow when I was young thinking how old 40 was and now I am in this decade of....question. I don't think that it's old, but it is in a way. See. this whole "40 is the new 20's" shit is crazy. I would never want to go back to being 20 or even in my 20's. now my 30's were great and so far 40's have been a blast. I guess with a new son, a baby in this "older decade" to be starting a family I am feeling 40 's are far more rewarding....

I can break it down,

20: I was still full of piss and vinegar. I was trying to get it all done, I was tyring to be what I really wanted to..(that day) to follow the dreams and do what I wanted and not what anyone else thought I should. I listened to no one and just lived. I was invincible and just went out and kicked ass.
30: It all came together for me. I got serious. I started to LIVE the right way. I grew cautious of myself and of other's. I was striving to do the right thing.I had found a place to settle, a husband, a few jobs and loved life. I understood things and people. I heard people and found living is amazing. My family became my world and I loved that. I still was seeking out other opportunities for me and my husband, but kept them to myself and little dreams. I got a dog. I started to have expectations and quickly found that I should not expect any thing from any one, they will let you down. I started really sacrificing my life of the happiness and the dreams of others. I LOVED my 30's. I found my friends and lost some friends. I found the path that I was suppose to be on and it was/has been great.
40: I had a baby. My first and only child. My son. I share him with my wonderful husband and I feel blessed. I am lucky very much so. My son is surrounded by people who LOVE him and I am able to spend my days and nights with him. I have become a stay at home mom, but I know that soon I will have to get back out there. We can't keep this up, but I got this boy who has my heart. I no longer WANT anything for myself... see THIS is why I did not want to celebrate my birthday. It literally has NOTHING to do with me anymore....It's about him and that's how I want it too. This little boy has take over our life and we can not be happier. I no longer need to find fame and fortune just to make me happy. I no longer need to be patted on the back and made feel important. I no longer need that shit, I just need to be a good mom and LOVE my husband, my son and my dog.

At 41 I have a new career. It's the BEST job I could have ever wanted. It's a life long job that requires me to step aside and let my son shine. (it's how I wanted it anyway.. I never wanted to be the star of the show, I always liked supporting roles or to work backstage)
This is the best production I could have dreamed to be in.

No more celebrations necessary...just needs to be about him...41...WELCOME.