Can you?

I heard a really good quote today.. lets see if I can remember it...

"It's always a good feeling doing something for someone in need."

I thought it was great to hear that. It made me think about my space and my place and wonder if I am doing things for people in need.
Okay I have a baby so that's fine, but outside my box, what am I doing and how can I be helping.
Let me get something straight. I am not wanting to do something for someone just to pat myself on the back, THAT is not me, it's a flutter I get in my heart when someone is in need and I have been able to help them. It's their smile or their humble 'Thank You' or a small touch of the hand. I don't know, but when I can sacrifice for someone who needs something so much more than me it's like everything comes together.

I hope I can teach that to Joey...I hope I can teach him to be selfless. I think greed gets people a long way and greed makes people successful, selflessness does not, but people who are selfless don't need the fame and success, they don't need that desire of self-righteousness, they just want to help.

I think it has to start early too, like the kids at a young age who "wants this" or "is this mine" or "I want that" crap. here is the thing...give the kids what they want all the time...they play with it, see something else and want that other thing. Bored and tired with the first now they expect you to get the other thing cause they are over the first thing. A monster cycle. But as that child grows it is juster was as they will be as an adult. Bored with this job, do some thing else...(can't hold a job down or doesn't want to work hard for anything expecting people to do everything for them) Never bring satisfied with what you have and wanting more. Never being grateful for the things you do have and the things you want but don't have.....

People laugh at us 'cause we still use our VCR. (just making a point)

Look at where you are and ask yourself, can you be selfless and give to someone. Can you totally sacrifice for someone else.....(and be honest, not like your kids or your husband or your wife.) Can you step out of the box?

All Excuses....

My mother recently told me that my sweet cousin's wife has been admitted to a rehab center on the Cape. She is a drinker....a serious drinker. (this could explain SOOOO much)

The shit part is that she is a closet drinker and she kept it hidden from everyone. My cousin does not drink so he had no idea. It was not until his young son, about 7 or 8 told him and my cousin's mother-in-law about her activities. How he would come home from school and see his own mother in the state that she was in from drinking. How he never wanted to walk in the door after school because he did not want to see her. How he use to HATE getting IN THE CAR with her because she had been drinking...I cried terribly today for him. for my cousin and his son. NO ONE should be driving when they have been drinking, never mind their own children around... you have some nerve woman .....CRAP. what the hell..

I lost a brother to a drunk driving accident...I can't tell you how strong I feel about this. I don't care if you have a sip...you don't friggin' drive. (enough of my soap box)

So this little courageous boy stands up to his over bearing mother's family to tell them all. They put her in a rehab and the insurance only pays for five days, just enough time for her to be pissed and come out of there to find her son, who told on her, is at Children's Hospital in Boston having hip surgery, and this could and most likely will send he back to her closet habits. Her family does NOTHING but make excuses for her....

"Oh you know she needs a break." or
"she has never felt comfortable there..." or
"Oh she has an image to uphold." or
"work is so stressful and then with the children.." or
"oh a drink here and there is no big dear." or
"she was very very busy at work." or
"she just needs to take the edge off."

It's all an excuse, a fucking excuse, so THEY too can't see that she has a problem.

Here is my passion okay...first losing my brother....second. My cousin is one of the sweetest men that has ever walked this earth. He is kind and gentle and has been fighting to save his family for years. (she and her family are a bit difficult if you will, they will hold a grudge until the final days.) He has never deserved the shit that she has put him through. He is always working and trying to take care of his children and keep his marriage alive so he does not have to subject his kids to the single parent life. (He is from a broken home, and his father never wanted anything to do with him and his brothers.) He is just a great guy. Always has had a fun sense of humor and is full of love. I am sooo sorry that this is what is going on in his world. I have been in tears today thinking about this and it has really bothered me. I just love him so much that I hate that he has to go through this.

I have never personally had alcoholism in my immediate family. I don't know, but I do know I have never had a drink and driven home. I have never had a good time out because I am always the designated driver...I can say when you are not drinking it's no fun watching others get stupid and sloppy, quiet and moods change. I rarely drink, it's no fun anymore I leave it up to other people and let them carry the demons around...LOOK I am not saying that drinking is bad or wrong, I would love to relax with a good glass of red wine after a long day. I love red wine, but I just can't do it right now..plus my wine taste is very expensive and I can think of lots of other stuff to do with that money than to blow it on a bottle of wine. What pleasure will I get from it three days after it's gone. At least my electric bill has been paid and the air is on. I relax other ways...somedays....I enjoy my life and I don't have to piss it away.....(my soap box again)

I was told a saying today about how a close recovering alcoholic thinks.....'One drink is to many, a thousand drinks is not enough.'... Sounds about right.

I give people A LOT of credit who can over come this terrible addiction. Yes I do. It is not easy and it forces you to take a good look at yourself. Stripped down and raw....the majority of us can't do that. I hope that she will be better...(I doubt it though.) I just have felt sooo bad for my cousin and his kids. It's not anyway to live. His cross is so heavy, he knows it too. I just hope he will be okay as well as his two kids. That little boy has many many years to remember how things were and what he saw. I hope he too will find peace in his mind and heart and life.

Probation Period OVER!

My sweet son turned three months old today.

I cannot believe it. Three months. How time flies...(well)

I am only a first time mom and this is my last time being a mom too....but I have to say... SHIT it is NOT easy. Some people can say "time flies, before you know it he willbe in college" and I think back on these past three months...LOVING every minute of having Joey in my life... yeah it has gone by fast, some days and some days it has gone by slow.

I never thought motherhood would be an easy task. I remember babysitting one time and I was taking Care of this kid for a week while his folks were enjoying the sun, (this is when I was living in Hingham). So he was a bit challenging at this age of two and still lots of fun. I was and am always one to keep busy, so there was a lot going on for us, but at one point mid week I remember stopping and thinking..."Crap, how do single parents do this?" Now I was just babysitting, and I was tired... I have no idea how a single mom can do all that is done, and work and daycare and other stuff..

My little man is easy. We have climbed over the colic stuff and have just started thinking about a routine.....I LOVE routines. I can plan around them and through them. Structure is what I like and I am hoping that with this new month of age, my son will pick up on the "routine" thing...

We'll see....whatever comes our way comes.. I am ready and almost prepared.

For those curious minds...

No he is not sleeping through the night. I am up a few times, and love every moment of it.

I am still breastfeeding and hate using formula. He really does not care much for it either.

I have no plans to get back to the grind as of yet and I love every minute of that, yet it mean we will be poor and that is fine.....

On our walk tonight, Dan and I were thinking back at three months ago today. The little man in our arms as a newbie, a plebe a freshman.....He is three months old today... He is 90 days old.

He has passed the probation period, is super fun, super cute and we're gonna keep him...

Entering a New Phase

I know for all my peeps, it has been over a month since my last entry...
SOOOO Sorry. I am trying to just get this mother thing down and it looks as if it is all coming together.
(except for my hot flashes... Umm unbalanced hormones suck)
But all in all my son is Three months old today and I put him in his crib this morning and he is actually taking a nap....
This is HUGE...
So with that said, I thought I would just ask all of you to hang in there with me, I have soooo much to say, and so much is happening that we need to share, but I have some housework to do.
I have no idea how long Joey will be sleeping, so I need to get as much done as possible.
I will be back though...
Memorial Day weekend is upon us and it's a wonderful time to remember....
I am entering a new phase with so much.
I will love and share very soon.
Thanks for waiting....

Think Tim McGraw....

When I was young, like in high school, for some reason I had always wanted to do two things... One drive across country in a jeep and two live in Washington D.C. I don't know why D.C but it always seemed like a city that was full of culture, power and honor. Lots of history and since I wanted to be an Early American History teacher (which I am not) I thought D.C would be a great place.....


SO I had the chance when I was like 26 and moved there. Well, not right in the city but first I stayed with friends in Northern Virginia, and then I moved to Maryland. I also attended the University of Maryland in College Park for two years. I was so glad I was there.


I had access to the city twenty four seven. It was great. All the wonderful monuments are free and so much happens. I needed something cultural. Like Boston D.C is a very cultural city. So dabbled in college for a bit, and headed into the real world of Corporate America. Working a gig with Marriott in one of their hotels and finding a place where I belonged then and at that time in my life. It was a good stint and I love that hotel even to this day.....


I fell in love with what was known as "the mid-Atlantic region" Virginia, Maryland and D.C. there was so much to do all the time. Even when I was busy and spent, there was so much going on. Although most of my time was spent working, which I did not mind, because the people at the hotel became my family away from home, I had some really great opportunities being there and meeting and be-friending some really wonderful people as well as some not so wonderful people.
Anyway, I loved that area to live in and I would go back to it in a heart beat.

While working at the hotel, I met this guy from a friends and he was a bit dishy...Okay not really , but he was really into country music, so I got into country music. Even own a pair of cowboy boots which I love. So there were a few other friends that liked country music and at one time a friend of mine asked if I wanted to go to the Tim McGraw concert. "Hell yeah, I wanted to go." (that experience is another blog in itself) But I bought his tape, (CD's were just making an appearance) and I would listen to a few songs and that was all.
I had this gig one day for the hotel and that was at some golf tournament that was forty minutes away from Bethesda. (heading west, so your heading out to the country now) But the day was a stunning fall day, the leaves were all colors and the temp was, golf pants and a golf shirt kind of a day. Very comfy. I sat on the ninth green and gave out free dinner vouchers for our restaurant at the hotel. It was fun. Something different than usual hotel stuff.....

On the way home from the tournament I was in my own world, loving the sights of the back roads and colors on the trees, the thought of apple picking on my next day off and I was playing the Tim McGraw tape in my car. I let the tape run this time so I listened to it's entirety. There was one song that gripped my heart....'One of These Days'. The words were stunning. I loved this song....I could relate to it so much......(you can find the video on you tube)

Anyway, the other day I had some music on in the house and that song came on. I almost fell over. It's just that it put me back so clearly to that fall day in Maryland. I missed it so much. I missed EVERYTHING about that day and the fall. You know how something triggers a memory or something inside you and you have to pause what you are doing and be in the moment. That's how it was. Complete.
Summer is approaching in Naples very quickly and with a new infant son I am wondering how often we will be outside 'cause it gets so hot. We don't have much of a fall here in Naples either. But I have the fondest memories of the fall from that song and that day and that time of my life.

Taylor Swift sings a song called 'Tim McGraw'... the words..."when you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think of me." Well, when I think Tim McGraw, I think of that fall day.

Finding Peace in Breastfeeding....

Okay... well this moment actually is HUGE that I can sit down, alone and blog a bit. My son is in his crib sleeping... not sure for how long, but with a lot accomplished, I can blog....

So let me just start by saying..."YES I LOVE MOTHERHOOD". It rocks. I mean my little man is only 5 weeks today....but he is still rather easy... The other day I was sharing with a friend that caring for Joey is fairly easy, it's adding the rest of the world in that complicates things... you know, laundry, shopping, suppers, etc. but all in all it has taken me about 5 weeks to get things under control and I have begun to figure it all out. (so far so good)

Okay the thing I really wanted to blog about is a humbling experience that I have had....and it starts like this....BREASTFEEDING SUCKS. I am not a fan, but I do it. I don't really like it, but I do it. It hurts like hell and you have no idea how much milk your little one is getting, and your boobs hurt, and your nipple are huge and you know. I think the lactation class was great but the teacher should have started out the class by saying how hard it is....I have been very open minded to breastfeeding since I knew i was pregnant. It was the ONLY way I wanted things to go... but we have had to use formula at times and that has worked to my benefit at times too. I pump a lot and feed Joey with my milk from a bottle....I was telling my nurse at the doctors the other day that so many times I want to pick up the phone and call the Dr. and have him give me a water pill to dry everything up...but I don't. She encouraged me more and I really got to thinking about things....
1. I want to quit breastfeeding because it's time consuming.....selfish thought.
2. It hurts and it's uncomfortable....OOOO poor little missy.
3. I OWE it to MY son to give him the BEST possible care I can and breast feeding is part of that.
4. It slows me down.....about time something does.

Then I was watching an episode of "19 Kids and Counting" you know the Duggar Family. That family in Arkansas who have 19 kids....well I LOVE that show. I think they are a great family and that the parents do a great job of raising the children. SO I could really care less your opinion about the show. I am a fan....
What struck me was the newest member of the Duggar clan, was born so early. She was 21 weeks old, (I think) and a pound. 39 days later she weighs in at 2 pounds and something oz. but here is the kicker to me....Michelle Duggar, (the mom) spends 6 hours a day pumping breast milk for her premature daughter, so when the little one can have milk she will have her mothers milk.
Michelle has a deep freezer in the rental home they are staying in close to the hospital for the baby (they live three hours away and they moved their family closer to the hospital so they can be a family and with their baby.) SO she has a deep freezer filled with bottles of frozen breast milk.
It kinda pulled at my heart and hit me between the eyes.....Look what they have already sacrificed for this little baby. All of them moving, their lifestyle and schooling and being a family, Parents time away from the rest of the children so they can be at the hospital with the baby. Michelle spending that much time day and night pumping so her small child can be healthy.... And I am complaining that breastfeeding and pumping is a pain in the ass....Not any more.
I thought about the whole idea and realized, I am putting my conveniences first and what I want first and not thinking about what is best for Joey and even my family. I can breastfeed and I will breastfeed, and since then I have been diligent and happy to do it. I pump when I can and feed when he wants even in the dead of night. It is actually easier. I am doing it....

So thanks Michelle Duggar AGAIN for teaching me a lesson in caring for my child. I am sure you have many more to teach me and I am open to all of them....

So literally...Breastfeeding does suck, but it's Joey who does the sucking and me finding peace in it.

So Here You Have HIM...

Okay...Okay.. I know that I am late on posting this notice... I am 18 days late actually.... but as the old adage goes better late than never right?

HERE HE IS......Joseph Scott Williams was born...Friday February 26, 2010 at 8:31 am.
he weighed in at 8 lbs. 3oz. and was 21 inches long.



He is such a good little man too. The Hospital stay was wonderful too. The nurses helped me with so much and taught us how to really care for Joey. We were so lucky to be there.
Joey was delivered via C-Section and he was a few weeks early. I was not able to meet him until he was about four hours old. I held him and I melted. I wanted to cry with joy..with an overwhelming sense of joy, but my spinal had worn off and my belly was beginning to hurt a bit, so I held my tears back. My husband was with him since the moment he was born and then followed him into the nursery.
They had to clean his lungs out since they had some mucus in them. (this is why I did not meet him until later) he was being checked and observed in the nursery. My family was there and it was a special time. A joyous time really. Joey came into our lives just when he was suppose to and when we needed him most.

This little man is growing in only 18days I cannot believe how big he is and how much he eats...(then again he has that Mayo gene in him) but we are loving being a family.....

Miles on the other hand does not know what to make of this little man. He is very curious and wants to lick him. He too is in need of our attention, which I admit is not always that easy, but Miles sticks out the midnight feedings with me and is right there to tell me if Joey is crying.

I have to be honest, I don't even remember being pregnant not that he is here. Good thing I have that belly cast to remind me. But this is sooo different. I have never thought being a mom would be like this or feel like this. It is hard work, but it is perfect work.

So here you have Him...my son, Joey.....

Sometimes I just look at him and I cannot believe that God chose me to be this little boy's mom. He is just so stinkin' cute...I know I'm the mom so I have to think that, but I really do think it....