It was a special Christmas for me this year... Lots of people have said to me...."You and Danny will have a great Christmas because it's your last one alone...next year there will be a baby." and I smile.
Yeah that's kind of true it IS our last year as the two of us. But it has been a busy month and nothing to do with the baby. We really chose this year to take a different route when it came to Christmas, and to be honest I really liked the way it all fell into place. It was very much out of the norm but felt totally right.
As the Mayo family we celebrated a few days early since we all had to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. And that celebreation was wonderful. So nice, few gifts to exchange, because as we get older we really see how we don't need things we just need each other. This I find to be more important than the gifts. I can never ask for things anymore, I just ask for togetherness.
Christmas Day after work my mom came to our house and Danny did a great job of cooking cheeseburgers on the grille. I know it sounds funny to have cheeseburgers but it was just what mom wanted and it was so nice to not worry about the big feast. We sat relaxed sharing stories.
We then proceeded to go to the Hospital downtown Naples to see Danny's father who has been there for almost two weeks now. He suffered a stroke and has had so many complications. It has been a rough journey for him and Dan and Dan's sister Donna.
It was an unsettling way to end the beautiful holiday but a very important way to end it. To me seeing my father in law in his state, wrenched my heart. I did everything in my power not to cry because he looks so sad in his eyes and uncomfortable. I don't know what to say. When my own father was sick it was hard to see too, but they are two totally different men with completely different happenings. With Bobby you just cannot communicate well, my dad was talking up to the last few hours it seemed. I don't know really. All I pray for in this situation is God's Will to be done. God's will not anyone else's. My husband was so sad last night and almost embarrassed that he took mom and I into this situation. I understand his concern, but you have to know all the time that mom and I have spent at hospitals with people, our own family or someone else's... It's just natural for us... even like going to the cemetery... it's like an Italian thing... you just do it. Unphasing but sorrowful, if that makes any sense.
Once Bobby got settled and we came home, we were tired. Dan kept apologizing to me for the end of Christmas and his sorrow. I could not help but think in my mind, that this really was a perfect Christmas...sounds funny, but it has helped me think about the future. We will have a child in our midst next year, and it will be special, but the thing that I really need to work on is centering this holiday with family and not the GREAT notion of gifts and stuff. Yeah go ahead and spoil my kid, but when it comes down to it, Joey will know that there are so many out there who are alone and who do not receive and it's about giving....Just as we were given this gift of the life of Jesus. I will never rule out the magic of Santa to our son. Santa brings so much happiness and wonder to children....but he will know as he grows, even young, that maybe delivering food to home bound people, or casting a few gifts for seniors or children in need or giving of himself or the family for others is what the season needs to be about. Doing our part. My parents did that with us and it humbles you in such a cold society. I hope I am able to hold myself to this writing and this notion....
There were plenty of people walking out of the hospital last night alone. I have no idea of their stories and why they were there and if they were leaving a child or a spouse behind and going home to end their Christmas alone. I cant get that out of my head. Nor can I get my husbands pain out of my heart and the image of his dad laying there out of my thoughts...I need these reminders to tell me that not everything is going my way and not everything is all pretty and rosy and about the baby that I carry. And that I cannot have everything I want. There are so many things that are listed on my calender for the next few months, but they are not as important as being there for my husband as this trek that takes him through the trenches he is in at the moment.
We really had the calmest Christmas I could have ever had at home and I loved it that way. The pressure of life was far more important to us than the pressure of gifts and competing and food and dressing up and more...just to sit with each other and share the emotion of feeling..and what we were feeling. I cant ask for much more at the moment. I will be here as long as he needs me to be and I will be here when he asks be to be...I Will not smother my husband unless he wants me. I need to be submissive and respectful as Dan was when my dad was sick and when he passed.
With all this blabbering on, it could be hard for you reading this to think that Dan and Missy Williams had a nice Christmas, but you know what we did. There was a lot that came out of the past twenty four hours and Christ shone through majestically. A mountain of toys could never replace what we did this year. Although sounds quirky, it had to have been one of the best.
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