I have noticed one really BIG thing since I have become a mom.....I have no idea where I am....Does this make sense?

You know you always see on Oprah as she does those make-over shows, how the mom's have lost themselves, put on an extra fifty pounds, don't color their hair anymore and just are frumpy... You know and the "excuse" always is that they put their family first and forgot about themselves....TOTALLY see how this can happen....

I have no idea where I am.....

I was looking at someones french manicure the other day as she was holding her little one, about the same age as Joey, and I thought...'Wow, she has time to get a manicure....' but, then again, when was the last time I had a manicure?.. YEARS ago.

Here me, and hear my heart. I am not throwing a pitty part for myself, I am just stating that since I have had a child, I have really given COMPLETELY of myself.
(I used to wonder how it was possible that mom's couldn't get a shower in and now I know.)
I am saying, I LOVE this new venture.

Joey is growing older, he is getting way more mobile and he will be walking soon, I am staring to look in the corners of the house for ME...little by little I find myself coming back to life and reality. It has taken be almost a year, but I have figured out how to take control of a few things and it feels good. I see myself in the mirror and I like what I see and that makes me happy and with that my son is happy and that makes me happier....but what I am seeing is the Me NOW, not the ME b/f.

Dan and I have always had a real giving marriage. We have had no secrets and he has always put me first and I him. This is one really great dynamic that we have. We give of ourselves for each other. We really can attest to understaning the true meaning of The Gift Of The Magi... and we find being this way so simple. He knows everything and I know everything. We share all, and we love to. Now w/ Joey we have given completely to this little man we are raising and it's different... yet scary and completely rewarding. There is NO room at all for "selfish" anything and I like that. We bare ourselves and our hearts to raising our son...The neat thing is, is that Dan and I are on the same wave here when it comes to this. I never get jealous of Dan's time w/ Joey. Some women do. I don't mind when Dan comes home and he loves on Joey b/f he loves on me....some women do. Some women resent that their husbands b/c they put the kids first.....but here is what we see in each other and what we know.... (with each other).. Dan and I were married 7 years b/f Joey and we had all that time to be alone together and build this incredibly secure foundation. We can also identify that the love we have for Joey is a different kind of love that we have for each other, and since Joey has arrived, we have not let Joey jeopardize that love that we have for each other...SO.. with all this rambling on....
I have not minded at all that I have no idea where I have gone. It has been a great 10 months, a fricken HARD 10 months, ( I can't believe that soon we will be celebrating Joey's first birthday.) As I see myself lurking around the corner bit by bit making my way back to myself.. I have to say, I kinda like the fact that I have not been around. I kinda like the fact that I have changes and I have done some spring cleaning w/ myself, that since I have given everything I have to my family and not myself, I kinda like that I have depleted the toxicity that was hanging around and I am finding that there really is no room in this "MOM" persona for bullshit.

I need friends who are positive and loving and not friends who love themselves and are toxic. I can not have that and neither can Joey. I have a small little group of friends who I would consider "organic" meaning....Real. No crap. No drama. No selfish games and No putting others down...They are encouraging, fun, and love their husbands and their kids. LOVE THAT...
It's all coming back, slowly but surely.
The realism of being "Joey's mom" has taken some time to set in, but when I look at that little face of my son and he smiles. I melt.
That's my calling. This is my life, so If I have to stay around the corner for a little longer b/c right now I am finding the "new mom" in Me is making Me a better wife and mom.... when the time comes for ME to emerge from around the corner... I may just ask ME to stay there and let the Me that I am now.... stick around.

New Years Sick Bay

Seriously, I started out 2011 with a phone call from Dan, "Umm, My boss is sending me home. We think I have a viral infection, I am coming home early and maybe later I will want to go to the ER...."
"Shit." I say to myself...."I can't do this right now."
Yet, all day I have Joey in my arms and I can just feel that something is not right with him. Although he does not fun at all when he doesn't feel good, I just had that feeling.....(and I will say, this really and truly is the first time I have had that motherly instinctual feeling that something is not right...It was kinda cool, cause it seemed to solidify motherhood.) But, I kept feeling Joey's little head and it was warm, his cheeks, warm, his back, warm.. I slept with him for is morning nap so he would sleep more than 20 min, he slept for three hours. I KNEW something wasn't right.
When Dan came home, I asked him to feel Joey," I think he has a fever, but I am not getting an accurate reading on the thermometer."
"I have a fever, I can't touch him if I have a fever." and off he went to his man cave.
Mom comes home from work...."Can you feel Joey, I think he has a fever."
"Oh honey he feels fine to me..." and off she went to lay down.
"Really, fine?" I was gonna take him to the park to play, it was such a nice day, but he was rubbing his eyes and that surprised me since he slept so well this morning, so we went to nap number two. Another two hours.
Once we got up, Dan emerged from the man cave and said he wanted to go to the hospital....mom wanted to not go to church and stay w/ Joey. I was changing Joey and I finally got a good reading and BOOM, he had a fever. I hollered from our room, "Joey has a high temp, we are all going to the hospital."
Packed the car and off we went. We opted for Physicians Regional on 951 cause it's never busy and it's CLEAN....so we waited only 20 min to get in. Dan was checked first by the nurse and then Joey, she took his temp in the bum and BOOM, 104.7, (way higher than what I got at home) my knees went weak. I had visions of mom going home, packing the wrong stuff in a bag and then hauling me and Joey up to North Naples Hospital to put him in the baby ward....(I had a tear running down my face.)
SO our evening progresses in the ER. We are assigned to curtain 14 and this tech comes in to give Dan a nasal culture and one for Joey....Now keep something in mind. Dan is sick so he has not held Joe since the day before. I see the tech give Dan this nasal culture, thank God I was sitting down, cause now she has to do it to Joe and I have to hold him. I close my eyes and hear this screech from my son. Yes, NOW I am crying...
I will make the story shorter in a moment.....
The tech said.."Sweetie, I have six kids, you better be ready for lots of this stuff, stitches, broken bones, ear infections, etc...."
" I know, I know." I say.... and the night went on. I also remebered when Joey was circumsised, THAT in itself is a great story, and after that I knew I could handle anything....(I must be getting mushy in my old age)

I am aware of all this stuff that will happen to Joey. Someday he will get punched (after he throws a few himself). Someday he will break a bone or two, he will have stitches, scrapped knee's blah blah blah, but it was the culture that she was giving him that got me. Joey was born only two weeks early and although he had to spend time in the nursery right after he was born, for them to watch he didn't have to have lots of stuff stuck to him. My best friend Pam, her son was born like 10 weeks early and spent sooo much time in the NICU with being poked and prodded and it didn't stop there when he was finally able to come home. My other friend Maria, she want through almost the same as Pam....and here is my little dude and a nose culture...."SUCK IT UP MAYO" I thought... this could be so much worse.
They kept us there for a few hours, every ones temp went down (a little) and they sent us home w/ prescriptions. Dan= the old fashioned influenza, Joey= ear infection... (so the doctor says) Not ONCE did my son pull at his ears.
The next day, mom came home from work sick as a dog. I about threw the towel in. Dan in his man cave being a typical sick male, Joey, glued on my hip still w/ a fever and now mom, my only hope, my only escape and she is tucked in bed sick. There is me and the dog....I about lost my mind.
So now, tonight.. the house is healing, Joey slept with me again last night. All the meds and stuff I had to pump into my son..(hate that) finally paid off, his fever broke, but I am not convinced he is better. Dan, his fever broke, but he is still hiding out in his man cave healing. He is terribly weak and certainly not up to any par. Mom, however, my saving grace, is much better... common cold. She was able to watch Joey for me so I could run to the store for 30 min.
Look. This is it. for now...... Tomorrow is a new day and I hope more healing comes to the family throughout the night. My husband wants to hold and love on his son. I just want 20 minutes alone, by myself. But here is how we start the new year....Now this new decade will bring lots more, and after this.. Bring it on...
New Years Sick Bay....

(my little man's first trip to the ER..)

Just Try...

I am working my way through this Christmas season as a 'new mom' if you will....
My son will be10 months old the day after Christmas and Dan and I still cannot believe it. 10 months. This blows us away... Dan always says "I swear I just brought you and Joey home from the hospital three months ago." I feel that way too. When people say enjoy every minute of your child being a baby...THEY MEAN IT....
Again I am getting off the beaten path here....

SO Christmas as a 'new mom' is heaps different that just a regular Christmas, like the ones I have always celebrated...as a daughter,a wife, a sister, a friend, a babysitter, an employee...Now I have a little man to lavish in Santa gifts and I really dig it. My husband and I are really in need of nothing we just want to have a great day with Joey and see how he can have fun. I have rightfully expected the solitary interest he will have in either the sticky bows or the wrapping paper. I am aware as EVERYONE tells us that he will be way more into tat than the gifts themselves... So this brought on a little experiment Christmas week.....

Joey has a wonderful Godmother who sends him gifts each holiday. Mostly books that represent the particular holiday at hand...so she sent him a big box of fun.The books are wonderful, it's the wrapped gifts that have gone untouched...sort of. I took one of her gift and I have each day been putting it in front of him to see if he will open it. He really has no interest. Little by little he has torn a piece of paper of and that's it. Last weekend some family came for three days and blessed him with so many fun things..and we all had eyes on him as he sat in front of the gifts to open....He looked at them. Looked around quizzically like he was trying to spot something, took a deep breath, let out a little squeak and BOOM...he was off crawling his way over to the dog's water bowl to tip it over....
Here is the thing.... Joey is still a "baby" even though he is tall and soo mobile. You forget he can't do stuff...
I said to Dan, "Christmas morning is gonna be a long morning opening what Babo Natale brings" and that's fine..."be sure to have a bottle of champagne chilled so we can celebrate our first Christmas with our son."
We are excited, and if it takes three days to open Babo Natale's gifts then that's okay too. Babo Natale is not bringing lots an lots of stuff.. he is leaving that to Joey's aunts and uncles..
Next year the real Christmas lessons start though. There is an understanding of this holiday that is important for Joey to learn.. It is the understanding of the birth of Jesus Christ and the importance of all that depends or relies on that little baby born in a manger. There is the importance of the multitude of angels, the shepard's and the gift from the (three "wise guys' as we call them) Magi....As he grows I hope to instill in him Christmas and his surroundings. I am sure there will be years that Dan will have to work and Joey and I will go and do something for others...Be it delivering food to home bound, serving at a shelter or something, but it is sooo important for my son to understand the gift of giving..the gift of giving and not receiving..the wonderful light spirited feeling you get when you give someone a smile, a dinner, a batch of cookies, a bathrobe, a hot meal or even a hug.
When you celebrate Christmas this year with your children or your family or yourself try stepping out of your box and reach out to someone who you would never reach out to and let them see your smile or the touch of your hand on theirs and let them know you care....even if you don't know them. You will be amazed..you will change some one's heart even if you don't think you did....Just try.....

I am well aware that it has been about five months since I have blogged... got it...(Pam)...but I have been a little busy and tired and stuff....K? (joey) ANYWAY....



So, tonight is not the night to blog. I will default it to another night, but it has taken a long time b/c...It only took Joey 8 months to sleep through the night...and he is 9 1/2 months now...meaning I am little by little catching up on sleep.. so my mind and my thoughts are starting to come back like a real human....



Hang in there (Pam).....You'll have a post b/f Christmas....

I Guess It's True... He Will Be Starting Harvard Soon.

Well, time does go by really fast. Tomorrow my little sweet son is going to be 5 months old....what? where has it gone?

At our four month Dr.s visit. Joey's cool Doctor could not believe how big he was for four months. 18 1/2 pounds and 26.5 inches in length. "so" she said..."I'm really not one to advocate any solid food feeding until children are 6 months old, but I think you should really start it now." and she laughed. It's funny.

So we go and get him all set up for eats....took a little while to get it going, but now he's like a monster... I really should not say that. There are days he likes to eat the "solid food" (which by the way is NOT solid it's all mushy) and days when he does not like it at all. So I like that 'cause then I know he is getting what he wants and what he needs from the breast milk feedings.

But dinner time is the funnest in the Williams house. He is sooo funny eating.. I always thought my kid would not have all the food all over his face, that I could get it in and leave no mess. WRONG.....it's everywhere. and now he is all about raspberries when he eats, so the food really goes everywhere.

Look this "solid food" thing is a big deal, this is the "next step" to toddlerhood

to being a kid, to being five months old. Lets face it, I have to look at pictures to remember what he looked like as a baby and to remember the days when he was a little joey....

My son is growing faster and faster each day. We are amazed. everyday he is doing something new and or better. I am not gloating saying he is a genius, or the smartest kid of advanced.. How should I know if he is or is not...he's just Joey. He just does his thing and when he is ready to move on, he will. We are happiest when he is smiling and laughing and when we are all together.

But man, FIVE months old.....yeah I guess it is true, he will be at Harvard soon....

Just Like High School

I really should be doing some kind of exercises right now while Joey is sleeping. I have my mat on the floor next to the computer desk and each time i think of someone from the past to look up on Facebook I stop what I am doing and try to find them, which then my hour is up, the baby is awake and I wonder why I don't have a flat stomach....no ones fault but my own..

The TODAY show gave a statistic the other day about how many people between the ages of this and that get up in the morning and check their Facebook status. Shame to think I could possibly fall into this category....It's not the first thing I check , I mean I have to dress and have a baby and walk a dog and breakfast and you know all that stuff, but sure enough once my son hits that crib for his morning nap. BOOM. on the computer. I gotta stop. I can use my time in other ways, like: Packing up my house for our move, like cleaning up breakfast, like exercising so I can feel better, like taking a shower...(but I have things to do outside the house and all I do is sweat, so shower later) like write Thank You Notes... other stuff....Facebook, email, blogs, the entire rapture of this age is unreal.....

My husband is SOOOO computer illiterate is awesome. He looks at a few sites and get the sports updates, the movie reviews and book reviews and that's about it. He JUST got email at work and is still saying how much he hates it. But I think... "okay, he's got it. He is a simple computer guy and wants not to get tangled in this technology web.' then we both laugh at how Joey will be 4 and have his own system all suped up and HE'S gonna have to show his daddy how to cut and paste....

Well, it's fine. I have been searching for people from the hollowed halls of my high school. The dreaded ages of high school. The age where I could not wait to get out of that building. I like to find people and see them. It's like looking at a book jacket. Married, single, kids, pictures, you now the whole bit. I find the kids that were the bullies, the popular cliches the mean girls, and the drama geeks (that was me). The great thing about F/B is you Can pick and chose who you want to be friends with. Just like in real life. Yes you can. If I don't want you in my space and on my wall, I can ignore you, just like in real life. Funny how this F/B thing is just like High School.
It has me hooked and I love to read what others think and do, sometimes live vicariously through them, and sometimes roll my eyes.....just like high school. I get on Facebook a lot throughout the day. My time can be used in better ways,... Just like High School.

4th Of July

This has to be one of my favorite holidays. I know to a lot of people this is not even a holiday, but growing up 4th of July was THE best and funest day in the summer.


I grew up in a small Yankee Massachusetts town founded not long after Plimouth. The down town looked like a quaint movie set and was perfect. Loved it.


On the 4th of July it was as if the entire town stopped and you went to the parade. The Parade stared at the high school and ended at the pretty little bus depot. A few miles and along Main street, it was perfect. first before the parade though was the pancake breakfast in Hingham center, then you made your way to your spot to watch the parade. As a kid sitting along the street you wanted and hoped for the day to walk in the parade. It was great. there were fireworks always on the 3rd of July at the beach and a band concert at the gazebo on the beach too. Typical small town Americana if you will. And sometimes Dad would let us up on the roof of the house to watch the BIG fireworks display in Boston....THAT was something. But because of those days the 4th has always been a fun holiday for me. Washington DC was a great place to be in celebrating the 4th, but Fl. not so much. Naples tries to do it, but it's just a commercial day that has gone by the wayside. It was at a time that NOTHING was open, not it's all open..

Anyway I am making some kind of point....

Since I grew up outside of one of ht e greatest cities of all time and home to so much Revolutionary History, I really engulfed myself as a student to Early American History and revolutionary History. Boston is so rich in it, since it all did start there.....

But this day also makes me think of how it REALLY was on that July 2nd day in Philadelphia as all those men signed that paper succeeding themselves from the British Parliament and King George. Did they walk from that building cheering as they announced to the onlookers what had just happened, Did they even breath as they left the building in fear of what the next step was. Could they sleep at night knowing the ramifications of the event that they has just taken part in. Did they know?

I got this email from my cousin today, so I will share it with you all about what happened to some of the men that did sign the Declaration of Independence... I liked the history behind it and it will shed a little light on what happened to these brave men.....Keep something in mind... just because these were men that had some sort of say back in the day...for some they did not end their lives like Adams and Jefferson and a few other's.... Read on...

What Happened To The 56 Men Who Signed The Declaration of Independence.....
-Five signers were captured by British as traitors and tortured before they died.
-Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.
-Two lost their sons serving in the revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.
-Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.
*They signed and pledged their lives, their future and their sacred honor..What kind of men were they?
-Twenty four lawyers and Jurists
-Eleven merchants
-Nine were farmers and large plantation owners.
* Men of means and some well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.
-Carter Braxton of VA, a wealthy plantation owner and trader saw his ships burned in the sea by the British Navy. He sold his home and property to pay his debts and died in rags.
-Sherman McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the congress with out pay and kept his family in hiding. His possession's were taken from him and poverty was his reward.
--Vandalls and soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge and Middelton.
-Atthe Battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson Jr. noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home as his headquarters, he quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed and Nelson died bankrupt.
-Francis Lewis had his home and property destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife and she died with in a few months.
-John Hart was driven form his wifes bedside as she was dying and their thirteen kids fled for their lives. His fields and gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in the forests and caves, returning home to find his wife had died and children had vanished.
*****So take a moment while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these brave men, these Patriots. It's not to much for the price they paid... Remember..Freedom is NOT free.