I can do that....

DO you ever feel that EVERYTHING is just taking you over... Crashing down on you and no matter what.... no matter what you do you cannot get ahead.
Lately it's like my own personal train wreck...(not really that bad but we all have to have our own pity parties)

Can I list all of these things...maybe, but I will not. I just think that I try so hard each day, just the best that I can. I do catch myself when I don't and I get pretty pissed when I do things half arsed.

But for now, I feel like I am struggling with friendships and how to handle them. How to settle feelings and conversations and life with friends. A relationship with friends I have to say is the hardest relationship I could have. I work very hard at my marriage. But friends, hmmm it's far more difficult. I don't ever want to be burned by anyone the way I was from a childhood friend . So I keep things and people at a distance and just do it the way I can do it. I will give a friend everything I have to a fault. But the one thing about friends is....we want approval, we want their love, we want to be happy. I think mostly we want approval....but you know what I want with a friend. It's to be myself and for that friend to be herself. Lay it all out on the table and just be who we are. No judgement. Just ourselves. You want friends that when you see after a long period of time, the conversation picks up right where it was left off... I have two friends like this. and our friendship is beautiful. We laugh and talk and are honest. I cannot say that anyone else that are my friends see me the way these two sisters see me and I don't see any other friends the way I see them. It's a pure agape love....

What about some of the other friends that I have that are not like these two sisters...well, it's work, I am always careful with what I say, where I am, what I wear, agreeing with something when I don't agree. Carefully choosing my words. Being a cheerleader even when I know I will get knocked down. I don't think that that is an honest me....What am I doing?... What am I doing?

Do I keep going on with these friendships? I don't cut anyone off. I have had that done to me and it sucks so I will never do that, but for now I I feel like I am in limbo with a few relationships of people....This is a good time to think about things... Easter week.

Easter and the Fourth of July are my two favorite holidays of all of them.

Easter week... I have a heavy heart too so this could just add so much more to my own shame spiral. But the thought of spring...the green grass, the flowers budding and the snowbirds leaving it is refreshing. The idea of spring cleaning is a good idea..(now I just have to do it) The idea of a new...Spring is not Easter.

Easter is the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus. This I like very much. This doing of his. This job he had...

Thursday (today) really is one of my favorite days in Easter week. Maudity Thursday. According to the bible, this was the Last Supper. This is where Jesus showed the most agape love to his buddies and washed their feet. Nothing more humbling than washing feet...someone Else's feet... I was at church one Holy Thursday, and it was time to wash feet. You know how you feel? Maybe not....maybe you don't know... have never washed the feet of a homeless man in the House of God. I washed his feet. Someone else washed mine. You don't chose the feet of the people you wash, it's just do it. Could some of you do it. Jesus did it.

One Good Friday, years ago I called my dad one day to say hello... "Hi dad, what are you doing today?" I asked him.. "I'm just sitting here thinking about what Jesus had to go through today. I was just thinking about what Jesus had to endure just for me and my family."
His answer struck me a bit. It struck me because I know my dad and I know that he WAS thinking about it. He was tossing emotions of the Crucifixion of Jesus, the beatings of Jesus, the humiliation that Jesus endured for my dad. God gave up his son Jesus for us. Mom and dad gave up their son Paul to be with the Lord.

So when Easter Sunday actually come around. (this year I will be working and then dinner with my family) It's a refreshing time. A new life time...a strong time, a time to overcome and gain a new....

So having my own personal train wreck, my pity party, my shame spiral....this is a good time for me to have it... since I have to think about my life and rethink. Start again. Gain anew. A good time of year to really think. Maybe I have to just work harder at the friendships that are difficult. Maybe I have to just take time and be for myself and get it all straight. Maybe I just have to let God choose for me...I like that "maybe" best...

The Jews celebrate their release of freedom from slavery with Passover....usually around the same time as Easter. And Easter is celebrated for the release of Jesus in to his Fathers Kingdom.
I love both of these celebrations...Imagine being released. The Peace.
Would you feel peace?

My train wreck is not that bad....but maybe I just need to clean it up a bit...
I can do that...

It's Official....

I am so happy tonight...it's official the start of Baseball season.. love these month of baseball...

We are Rex Sox fans in our house and it's great. For Dan growing up, he told me that he was a fan of baseball and was a Red's fan. His favorite player was Pete Rose.

I grew up outside of Boston, so I was a Red Sox fan. Growing up I loved the Red Sox. I loved going to Fenway Park and watching the players play the Ameican Game. I was a fan in the 70's so I followed, Fred Lynn, Jim Rice, Rick Burlson, Carl Yaztremski, and my favorite Carlton "Pudge" Fisk. He was the catcher and my man. I has baseball cards, played baseball on the boys team, had baseball shirts and even a hard batting hat. Dad put the number 27 on it for me. That was Fisk's number. Fisk was the catcher of the Red Sox. About ten years ago I was working a Celebrity Golf Tournament and had the opportunity to meet Fisk. He was playing in the tournament along with Johnny Bench and Mike Schmidt (another on of my favorites). Although it had been YEARS since I followed baseball at the time of the Golf Tournament, I was still star struck meeting Fisk. I had to ask him to sign a pin flag, the flag was going to be auctioned off and I could not get up the courage to ask him to sign it. I had to get my sister to do it. A childhood hero, I mean really, how do you do it? I just could not muster up the ability ask this big man to sign a pin flag. By the way, I was in my thirties when all this was going down and my knees were STILL buckling...what a wimp...it's okay, you can say it. I am not star struck by any means, please we all put our pants on one leg at a time, we all have the same color blood and breath the same air, but for some reason, Carlton Fisk....I mean come ON....Mom and dad use to take me to the games every so often. Angie and I even got the chance to have our pictures taken with some players when we were young. One time we had two tickets to the game and mom got out of work early and took me into Fenway Park. When we got there the ticket guy at the turnstiles stopped us and told mom that the tickets were for the game the night before. She was upset because she was afraid of letting me down. So instead of turning around and going home, mom went to the box office and purchased two tickets for the grand stand so she could still take me to the game. Now is that a mom or what?....She sacrificed the money for the tickets to get me to see the game so I would not be disappointed...That's my mom, always putting others first. She sat at the game, in the uncomfortable bleacher seats in Fenway Park. They are rotten seats, but I watched the bull pin and was happy as can be.

As I grew up, my love for baseball faded and I could have cared less about the game. you know I had other things to do and watch and other ways to spend my time. But it wasn't until recently...a few years a go Dan and I were in Boston for Lexie Garrity's high school graduation and my brother Dale had tix to the Red Sox Yankee's game. They were corporate tix for a Green Monster Package and he took us with him. Dan really had no interest in going until we got there. We were with a group for travel people, people that my brother Dale work with and work for. We started the evening with a tour of Fenway Park, got pictures taken, watched pre-game warm up, and settled into our seats on top of the Green Monster. Catered food and lots to drink. Oh yeah, also a players shirt. It was SOOO fun and reinstated my love for the game and the Red Sox. Dan loved it too...Since then, it's Red Sox Nation in our house.

For my birthday last year Angie and Gary treated Danny and I to a Red Sox vs. Rays game in Tampa. It was Brilliant. The four of us had so much fun. My new favorite player is Jason Veritck. The catcher... (something about those catchers) and Dan's player is Josh Beckett. We don't get a lot of games in TV here unless we splurge on the baseball package, but we don't need that right now... so we settle for when we can see the Sox on TV. We make it an event. We have fun. We even went to a Spring Training Game this past March in Ft. Meyers. It was great. Big Papi, Veritck, Jason Bay, Lugo. It was our first spring training game and a great night.

So when tonight the Opening Game was played in Fenway Park, The Sox played The Rays. Sox won. Danny cooked Hamburgers and Hot Dogs. We had peanuts and beer and were happy with the win. Last season, mom and dad stopped by to say hi and the game was on and went into extra innings. Mom and I pulled everything out of the fridge and put out a spread of leftovers and the game went into extra innings. I had such a great night. Dan's dad was visiting with us too, so he got into the game, and we all cheered on our Sox from Naples Florida. Dan took this picture of me and dad watching the game together. Just like when I was a kid. Since we are moving, all the photo's are off the walls and tucked away into boxes, except for this one...

Red Sox Nation Baby.... it's official.....

It's Just.....

So April is here and here I am... April 1st, at 11:00 at night...eww blogging so late.

"Where have I been, why the long gap between entries?" you ask...

my answer...I don't know... I just don't know... It's not like I have gone on a trip...(well maybe in my mind.) but I have been here dealing with the true realities of life.

There is so much going on with me and I don't know where to start and I don't know if I really even feel like penning it. But do know this my dear reader...(s)...I am fine.

Work has me grumbled a bit, but it always does, I am sure it does for you too. I wonder what each day at the hotel will bring. There have been so many talks of layoffs that it is crazy, this person, that person. People who have been there for ever too. Unsettling really. The customers are getting more and more demanding....and grumpier...Is it really MY FAULT that you have to pay $1.50 plus sales tax for your NY Post...(it's a shitty paper anyway) But the bright side of customers is they are there.


Dan and I are in living limbo. we are moving and we are not sure where we are going. We are hoping that we can stay in the neighborhood. Stuff happens and renters have to leave and go someplace else. I am fine w/ the fact that I rent. In fact I actually prefer it over owning. Though I have never owned a home, but I would not want to... People who rent to Dan and I are lucky. We are great tenants. For real. We like to stay put. We keep up the house w/out much bother to the land lord, and we make the house into a home. I love to plant flowers and hang pictures and do all the neighborly things...it's good. But when you have to go, you have to go,and we always have to think about ourselves and what is BEST for us...This is hard for me to do. I seem to always put others first. I am honest to a fault and it ends up biting me in the arse, and when I do put myself in front of others then.. I feel wicked guilty. Hate that. So it's like a no win situation. Any advice from the reader..(s) for me out there?


My dog is another thing. I love that little guy. How can you not? He is constantly smiling at me and wants to be right at my side. He seems to be battling something and I don't know what it is... He is licking his paws. NOT gnawing at them but licking them. In the middle of the night Miles is licking away and waking me up...I can't scold him because he is doing nothing wrong... something is getting to him and he can't tell me. We changed his food, it's a good one now, we bath him, he has flea and tick stuff but lick away....Any suggestions out there?


A few good things are going on though... with the lack of good programing on t.v. I can say that baseball season starts soon, like DAYS away... Red Sox Nation baby... I am looking forward to falling asleep to the sound of the games on t.v.

A friend of mine is having a baby in July, another friend is getting married in August and I am turning 40 in June. Hmm 40...Is that a good thing? It's ponder some really...there are some of you that can say, "40 you are so young" and some that can say, "40? you don't look 40." yeah true, I really don't look or act 40 maybe that's why it's a bit nerve racking...I don't know...

It's Just....

Who Was It When You Were Born?....

So I have this thing.. yes! Another thing.... but I play this game w/ myself to keep my mind occupied when I have nothing to do or feel as if I am losing it due to lack of use....My current profession does not allow me to use a lot of brain power and to THINK really hard, so I have to keep up...
I have learned all the 50 states and their Capitol cities... can name them in under four minutes....(good for me..) and then I became interested in getting to know about all the presidents and who they were and what they were all about....So now I can name all the presidents... I am finding presidential trivia brilliant. For those of you who could care less... try this...

My Grandmother on my father's side was born in 1903. Although she was born in Italy... in 1903 Theodore Roosevelt was into his first term as the 26th president. TR was also the first president of the 20th century. TR was the youngest man to be President at age 42.

When she moved to America in 1910, Howard Taft was the 27th President.

My Grandfather on my father's side was born in 1899. (although he was born in Messina Sicily) The president then was William McKinley. He was the 25th President. Six months into McKinley's second term as President, he was shot and nine days later he died.I don't know how old my grandfather was when he came to America.

My dad was born in 1924, and Calvin Coolidge was the 30th President of the United States. dad passed in 2008, so he lived through...Coolidge, Hoover,Roosevelt,Truman,Eisenhower,Kennedy, Johnson,Nixon,Ford,Carter,Reagan,Bush,Clinton and Bush...a span of 84 years.

My mother was born in 1938...Franklin Delano Roosevelt was the 32nd President of the US. FDR spent twelve years as President. No one has done that but him. He was actually elected four times but passed away in office the first month into his fourth term.

My brother Paul was born in 1952, and Harry S.Truman was the 33rd President. Truman would arise at 5am each day and play piano for two hours before beginning his day as President.

My sister was born in 1965-Lyndon Baines Johnson was the 36th President. Johnson did not give an inaugural address when sworn into office in1963, because he was sworn in on Air Force One after the death of President Kennedy.
I was born in 1969-(ahh flower power) and again LBJ was in his last year as President....

The neat thing about all this is when you think of our history we have had 44 Presidents. Obama being the 44th....It's not all that much for a nation as young as ours, but we have come a long way...some for the good , some for the not so good.
Here is some of my Favorite trivia....
1. Jimmy Carter was the first president born in a hospital. All the presidents before him were born at home.
2.Martin Van Buren, the 8th president was the fist Citizen of the America Nation elected president. 1-7+9 were subjects of the American Colonies or even England subjects because they were born before America was "technically" a nation.
3.Andrew Jackson and Abe Lincoln were both completely self educated and Woodrow Wilson was the only President to hold a PHD.
4. Abe Lincoln was the first President born outside of the Original Thirteen Colonies"
5.Ulysses. S Grant was arrested when he was the 18th President for riding his horse to fast down the streets of Washington DC. We was to pay a 20$ fine.
So who was President when you were born and what do you know about him?

Through The Door...

I have this photo of my family...my "Original Family" The Mayo's...taken back in something like 1974. You can see us as true future contestants on Project Runway... But in this photo is my Dad, my mom my brother Paul, my sister Angela and me. The little one, obviously not happy. It seems by our name tags that we have on we were all at a 10th Mountain Division Reunion in New Hampshire. So this is what the 70's gave us...we THOUGHT it was fashionable so lets run with it.

I say this is the Original Mayo family because It was. And to be honest I do not think another picture exists of the five of us. A few years after the picture was take my brother Paul was killed in a car accident and left us. So The Mayo five became Four....but as we grew there was always others that came through our door and became family. If they stayed for a long or short time it would never matter. We had this open door policy in our home. Anyone from anywhere could find a hot meal, a place to lay their head and open arms. There was always people. No cost , no chores, no nothing was ever expected of them. (I just hope that they have been able to do the same for others as my parents did for them by passing it on.)

Although Angie and I are married and we have our eye candy husbands, (my sister has been married longer than she carried the name Mayo)The Mayo Four stood strong some thirty odd years after the passing of Paul. Here we are in April of 2008 at The Marco Island Relay For Life. One of our favorite causes.

Five months later the Mayo Four became the Mayo Three. I will have to find a picture for you all, but I think my point is... That we grow each day as individuals, we learn so much from people and we may not know it. My mother, my father, my sister and myself learned more from the people that stayed with us throughout the years as the Mayo Family.

Each person has a story, each person has baggage, each person has or needs or wants to give something. The Mayo's just allowed them to be themselves. They never turned anyone away. They always had a chance or two at our home. As a society today we turn lots of people away, they are different, they look funny, they don't have the same religious back rounds as we do, they have different political parties, they don't have money. they have too much money, they have different color skin, they have handicaps that we just cant accept. We are selfish and want things for ourselves and don't want to share, we can't trust...as a society....

My parents would not have been able to teach us as they did when we were growing up if we did not open our family door to people and invite them in. Maybe someday you should open your door and learn about the people who walk in and how you can you learn from them? Don't try to teach them, learn from them...but the first step is to let them through the door.....

A Smell...A sound....

I have been blessed enough in my life to do a lot of traveling. I must say I am a bit proud enough to say I have been to four of the seven continents...but mostly my heart lies in the beautiful country of Italy. I don't know what it is about Italy, but when I am there it's like nothing else even exists....no place else even exists. It's like the country is magical. It can over power you so much so that you want so much of yourself to remain in Italy.... my love for this country could possibly be that my fathers roots lay from it. It could be that they produce some of the best food I have ever ate. That the country is so rich in history I cannot even fathom or because the people are so welcoming and blow our standard of family and hospitality out of the water.

Every so often.. I mean every so often I will be outside, walking the dog or something and in the smallest of breaths there is a smell that is in the air that takes me back to Italy. Go a head, think it's funny and say "what in south west Fla could ever trigger a smell so similar?" I don't know. I don't know how it could be but it happens. It brings me back to the smell of the Eternal City in Rome, or the Grand Canals of Venice. It brings me back to the sunsets in the Tuscan countryside, the mountain villages, the early mornings when things are so still in the southern country side and the smell of the Mediterranean Sea. It is there. It lasts only for a moment but I am swept away back to Italy. And then there will be a sound of a car in the far distance that takes me back. I love it. It is a random event that happens, but I feel like I should be there and not here experiencing it all over again.

I do have one dream in my life and that is to return to this country. I would like to give myself two to three years there and immerse myself in everything that Italy has to offer. To till the soil and grow veggies, to tour the ruins in depth, to dig deep into the Roman Empire, to learn to cook it's native foods. To speak the language fluently so that I dream in Italian, to swim in lakes and seas. To have a siesta for the afternoon. To drink wine that I pressed. To shop it's fine stores. Learn more about the beauty of art and music. To press olives and sail along the Italian shores. To retrace historic battles of World War II. To be surrounded with family and open my heart more than it is.to see George Clooney at a restaurant in Rome. To learn Italian hospitality and a way of life....I think it's an attainable dream really. This place pulls at my heart strings and makes me actually WANT something.

There is nothing like being together as a family exploring places and the food. we can all sit together eating olives, cheese, drinking wine, eating prosciutto, bread ,salami, a slice of potato pizza, and have happiness and beauty all around. It's love and family that draws me back to Italy. Maybe those sounds and smells that I randomly have is a reminder of My Love, My Life and My Family, maybe THAT'S what is pulling on my heart strings.

ICU....

We have this place at work called ICU- I really do not know what it stands for, normally everyday use of the letters ICU would be Intensive Care Unit...but not at The Ritz (since it is a hotel and all)

The ICU at the hotel is behind the scenes. The guest cannot and will not ever see the back hallways of the hotel, but lets focus on this place. ICU hmmm ICU... It's our employee cafeteria.

The upshot is we get a FREE lunch.That's where the upshot ends. Yesterday when I worked It was the lame attempt at Chicken Catchatore..oh PLEASE...Mostly it's some kind of slop that someone in the chef department makes up. Now I will state this, the people who work the ICU work very hard to keep us fed, so I am not knocking their job what so ever. What I am knocking in the actual food that comes out of there.

Here is how it works... There is always some kind of Hot food. Like what is called Chicken Catchatore, or half cooked Tilapia or over cooked hamburgers and hot dogs. There is always rice and steamed veggies. Some kind of soup, apparently the Cream of Asparagus is the favorite at the moment, and if the soup is Chicken Noodle you are lucky...yet actually finding a noodle in the Chicken Noodle soup would be like finding Willy Wonka's golden ticket. Then there is The Salad Bar, or "The Heart Healthy Salad Bar" as the sign says. Romaine Lettuce (all the time) your basics salad toppings, tomatoes, cucumbers,cheese, chick peas, hard boiled eggs, dry tuna fish, celery. You know stuff. There is also a selection of breads...don't get to excited. the breads are from Wonder Bread and are in their bags still. White, Wheat and Rye. So when the bag is open, then it stays open all day long and you are eating dried out bread. There is also Deli meats like turkey breast and ham with sliced cheese. Then the salad dressings, all fat free. It's good to have fat free stuff but it just has that fat free taste to it. Then the drinks.

It's rare that a meal is actually good. The days to stay away from the ICU are the Tilapia days. During Lent season, this would be every Friday. I give them snaps for dishing out the fish on Fridays, but the other holidays things cannot seem to come together...lets see....the hotel hosts a large Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner so for weeks after those holidays you are eating (or not) Turkey Something. Roasted Turkey w/ all the trimming, Turkey Pot Pie, Turkey Rolls, Turkey this Turkey that. But lets say on the Fourth of July, the All American Holiday, lunch would be Tacos. On Christmas we would get Pork and fried Plantain's. Instead of Corn beef and Cabbage, (which is a selection on some days) on St. Patrick's Day we would have Chicken Teriyaki. But fear not, on those holidays the ICU is decorated with table clothes and flowers and something related to the holiday celebration. So they try.

You get REALLY lucky when you eat later in the day because then you get the left over food form the banquet department. The stuff that they used for a banquet that has come back unused or half used. That's when you WANT to be in the ICU. They food is taken off the Queen Mary's and brought onto a table in the ICU and then all of the employees that are eating drop their forks and make a mad dash to the front of the room and take what is there...even if you don't like it you still takeit because you know it will be better than the stuff you currently have on your plate. At the Marriott in Marco Island where I used to work enos ago, they too have an associate cafeteria. They have a better and bigger selection of food that you can choose from for a minimal cost....so what do you do, accept the fact that ICU is FREE, or ask for better food at a cost?