All Excuses....

My mother recently told me that my sweet cousin's wife has been admitted to a rehab center on the Cape. She is a drinker....a serious drinker. (this could explain SOOOO much)

The shit part is that she is a closet drinker and she kept it hidden from everyone. My cousin does not drink so he had no idea. It was not until his young son, about 7 or 8 told him and my cousin's mother-in-law about her activities. How he would come home from school and see his own mother in the state that she was in from drinking. How he never wanted to walk in the door after school because he did not want to see her. How he use to HATE getting IN THE CAR with her because she had been drinking...I cried terribly today for him. for my cousin and his son. NO ONE should be driving when they have been drinking, never mind their own children around... you have some nerve woman .....CRAP. what the hell..

I lost a brother to a drunk driving accident...I can't tell you how strong I feel about this. I don't care if you have a sip...you don't friggin' drive. (enough of my soap box)

So this little courageous boy stands up to his over bearing mother's family to tell them all. They put her in a rehab and the insurance only pays for five days, just enough time for her to be pissed and come out of there to find her son, who told on her, is at Children's Hospital in Boston having hip surgery, and this could and most likely will send he back to her closet habits. Her family does NOTHING but make excuses for her....

"Oh you know she needs a break." or
"she has never felt comfortable there..." or
"Oh she has an image to uphold." or
"work is so stressful and then with the children.." or
"oh a drink here and there is no big dear." or
"she was very very busy at work." or
"she just needs to take the edge off."

It's all an excuse, a fucking excuse, so THEY too can't see that she has a problem.

Here is my passion okay...first losing my brother....second. My cousin is one of the sweetest men that has ever walked this earth. He is kind and gentle and has been fighting to save his family for years. (she and her family are a bit difficult if you will, they will hold a grudge until the final days.) He has never deserved the shit that she has put him through. He is always working and trying to take care of his children and keep his marriage alive so he does not have to subject his kids to the single parent life. (He is from a broken home, and his father never wanted anything to do with him and his brothers.) He is just a great guy. Always has had a fun sense of humor and is full of love. I am sooo sorry that this is what is going on in his world. I have been in tears today thinking about this and it has really bothered me. I just love him so much that I hate that he has to go through this.

I have never personally had alcoholism in my immediate family. I don't know, but I do know I have never had a drink and driven home. I have never had a good time out because I am always the designated driver...I can say when you are not drinking it's no fun watching others get stupid and sloppy, quiet and moods change. I rarely drink, it's no fun anymore I leave it up to other people and let them carry the demons around...LOOK I am not saying that drinking is bad or wrong, I would love to relax with a good glass of red wine after a long day. I love red wine, but I just can't do it right now..plus my wine taste is very expensive and I can think of lots of other stuff to do with that money than to blow it on a bottle of wine. What pleasure will I get from it three days after it's gone. At least my electric bill has been paid and the air is on. I relax other ways...somedays....I enjoy my life and I don't have to piss it away.....(my soap box again)

I was told a saying today about how a close recovering alcoholic thinks.....'One drink is to many, a thousand drinks is not enough.'... Sounds about right.

I give people A LOT of credit who can over come this terrible addiction. Yes I do. It is not easy and it forces you to take a good look at yourself. Stripped down and raw....the majority of us can't do that. I hope that she will be better...(I doubt it though.) I just have felt sooo bad for my cousin and his kids. It's not anyway to live. His cross is so heavy, he knows it too. I just hope he will be okay as well as his two kids. That little boy has many many years to remember how things were and what he saw. I hope he too will find peace in his mind and heart and life.

Probation Period OVER!

My sweet son turned three months old today.

I cannot believe it. Three months. How time flies...(well)

I am only a first time mom and this is my last time being a mom too....but I have to say... SHIT it is NOT easy. Some people can say "time flies, before you know it he willbe in college" and I think back on these past three months...LOVING every minute of having Joey in my life... yeah it has gone by fast, some days and some days it has gone by slow.

I never thought motherhood would be an easy task. I remember babysitting one time and I was taking Care of this kid for a week while his folks were enjoying the sun, (this is when I was living in Hingham). So he was a bit challenging at this age of two and still lots of fun. I was and am always one to keep busy, so there was a lot going on for us, but at one point mid week I remember stopping and thinking..."Crap, how do single parents do this?" Now I was just babysitting, and I was tired... I have no idea how a single mom can do all that is done, and work and daycare and other stuff..

My little man is easy. We have climbed over the colic stuff and have just started thinking about a routine.....I LOVE routines. I can plan around them and through them. Structure is what I like and I am hoping that with this new month of age, my son will pick up on the "routine" thing...

We'll see....whatever comes our way comes.. I am ready and almost prepared.

For those curious minds...

No he is not sleeping through the night. I am up a few times, and love every moment of it.

I am still breastfeeding and hate using formula. He really does not care much for it either.

I have no plans to get back to the grind as of yet and I love every minute of that, yet it mean we will be poor and that is fine.....

On our walk tonight, Dan and I were thinking back at three months ago today. The little man in our arms as a newbie, a plebe a freshman.....He is three months old today... He is 90 days old.

He has passed the probation period, is super fun, super cute and we're gonna keep him...

Entering a New Phase

I know for all my peeps, it has been over a month since my last entry...
SOOOO Sorry. I am trying to just get this mother thing down and it looks as if it is all coming together.
(except for my hot flashes... Umm unbalanced hormones suck)
But all in all my son is Three months old today and I put him in his crib this morning and he is actually taking a nap....
This is HUGE...
So with that said, I thought I would just ask all of you to hang in there with me, I have soooo much to say, and so much is happening that we need to share, but I have some housework to do.
I have no idea how long Joey will be sleeping, so I need to get as much done as possible.
I will be back though...
Memorial Day weekend is upon us and it's a wonderful time to remember....
I am entering a new phase with so much.
I will love and share very soon.
Thanks for waiting....